my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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