haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
