We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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