What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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