I could make wine with my vomit
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
