Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize