You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
