Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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