i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
