well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We talked him into tasing himself.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
