Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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