two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize