I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
not ubering you a puppy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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