My sheets look like a crime scene.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
