What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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