I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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