Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
