I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
