We won't sleep together?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
