then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
