D3 body, D1 cock
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
