You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
