Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
