I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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