yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
