Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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