Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
