im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
