I cannot find my penis.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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