Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
