my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
