he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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