If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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