I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
