I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have feelings that need drinking.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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