he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
