Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Come see our sink grown plant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
