Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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