So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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