i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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