So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
