I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
