her vagine was all disorganized.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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