Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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