dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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