you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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