True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
