How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
