those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
