just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
