I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
