I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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