Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
