i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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