a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
