You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are we still banned from the library?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
