my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize