Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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