Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
