Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
