It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
