Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize