I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
