I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like, not good at living.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
