no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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