Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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