you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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