bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
