O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
