She's JV to your varsity
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
