I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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