Cold hands, warm shart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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