Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
These tits shall not be calmed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
