ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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